When I was thinking of how I was going to compose my review for NIOH, I found myself overwhelmed.
Not because the game is terrible in any way, but to try and articulate the experience I’ve had so far seemed…tricky.
Therefore I decided the best way to describe what I’ve endured so far in NIOH, would be to share my train-of-thought I’ve had playing through the game, because you know, that seems ridiculous and fun!
SO HERE WE GO!
Set within a fictionalised dark fantasy version of the 1600’s during the late Sengoku period, NIOH commands you to take up your sword and cut a violent path through the land as the masterless samurai, William Adams.
Cross blades in brutal hand-to-hand combat against foes both human and demon, and endure the vicious encounters or learn from your mistakes;
Each death will bring you resurrection and each resurrection a greater resolve to overcome your foes.
“Oh sh*t, this is a Team Ninja game! Oh sh*t, this is a Team Ninja game…”
“This intro is cool…looks like sh*t is going down”
“Okay, tweak my brightness settings…act like I’m reading this stuff it wants me to annnnnnnnddddd…start”
“Hahahaha, my avatar is in his underwear. This game is already a party. And there’s a flying thing and bright lights that talk when I pick them up! This party is damn extra.”
“She wants me to punch a wall? Am…am I Goku? Oh, I can punch a wall.”
“LET’S GO IN AND PUNCH EVERYTHING! Annnndddd I’m dead.”
“I’m dead again.”
“Oh man, I got him down to half-health!”
“Okay, this is the one.”
“Okay, this one.
“Okay, seriously f*ck this game.”
“Is…is this…is this Dark Souls?”
“F*CK THIS GAME, HOLY SH*T”
“Oh my god! I DID IT…HAHAHAHA, I DID IT! I AM A GOD! A GOD WHO NOW HAS PANTS!”
“Woah, this inventory system is awesome. Equip that…when did I get those accessories? Equip it. Equip that. What…what are stones? Equip it.”
“This is some Witcher sh*t, I can dig it.
“Oh my god, there’s so much loot. THERE’S SO MUCH LOOT. GET OUT OF MY ROAD, I NEED LOOT!”
“Is that a boss?”
“That is not a boss, I beat him way easier than that first dude I had to punch.”
“HOLY SH*T, WHAT THE F*CK JUST HAPPENED TO HIM…”
“AYYYY! I CAN DO MAGIC! Am I Ryu Hayabusa? No wait, I’m English…”
“Oh wait, that was still easy…”
“TUTORIAL TIME! Wait…what was all that other stuff then…”
“Yo, this is the old Playstation game Bushido Blade”
“Now I’m a pirate.”
“LOOT. MORE LOOT. YYYYEEESSSSS…”
“Equip. Equip. Oh wait, I can do different weapons now. Equip. Proficiency? Okay.”
“There’s a box! Can I smash it…OH MY GOD, HIDDEN LOOT…”
“KUSARIGAMA WITH CHAIN!”
“What the hell is this red thing? Is this like…a Dark Souls summoning point? What does this levelling thing mean?”
“WHAT SWEET HELL HAVE I UNLEASHED UPON MYSELF…”
“Oh god…my loot. Oh wait, it works like Dark Souls. WAIT FOR ME LOOT! I’M COMING FOR YOU!”
“What’s this spirit thing”
“HOW THE F*CK ARE THESE MOBS SO HARD.”
“Seriously, f*ck this game.”
“WOO! LOOT! Haha, this game is great. It’s like…so many games rolled into one.”
“YOKAI BOSS BATTLE!”
“Okay, how are the mobs harder than the bosses…”
“SAMURAI ARRRMMMOOOOUUUUURRRRR! Ooo, a key.”
“And…back into it?
Back into it.”
Honestly, that’s the best way I can describe the game.
Taking their solid combat foundations, Team Ninja have created a chimera of a game that will appeal to the sadists out there. It’s compellingly hard, yet also rewarding with the sheer amount of loot and time you can get out of the game.
While it won’t be for everyone, it’s fun enough to sink your teeth into if you want some variety and intense self-hatred due to the amount of battles you’ll lose.
And sometimes, you just need a little bit of that.
NIOH will either make you hate yourself or make you feel like a god.